Hey, mother fuckers. What's up it's been a while...Oh hell yeah it's been awhile. Alot of serious shit has gone on since my last post.

Update, update update a fuckin' update. 'Kay.

Well, Jaden hates me. BIG SURPRISE.

I lost alot of good friends. And now....My new friends aren't really there for me...

I feel like shit. How about you?

My so called boyfriend, can't see me 'cause I'm to old, and a bad influence. I miss him like a school-grrrl misses her virginity. We still get to see eachother here and there.

And I've been going out on dates with a guy from work, when the whole time....I thought we were just hanging out as FRIENDS.

Thanksgiving sucked.......I got paranoid. And realized..I'm scared to death of my family.

And Christmas is gonna suck. 'Cause I'll feel like shit once again.

I'm 18 years old now...Still with out a car. Or a real life.

I'm failing all my courses. I'm afraid I might not graduate High-school. And become one of thoes kids who keeps saying they'll get a GED But never do. So there for I'll be a tottal dumbass who turned out like all the other fuck ups in world.

I keep trusting people and it turns against me.

I'm getting really jealous of everyone else's life.

I keep thinking like my family members hate me.

Where are thoes friends who said they'd be there for me? Not worth wasting my life on them anymore..I'd rather do it sleeping.

I get paid about $160...And only end up with $20 left. And it's all on food. Sad.

I hate everyday. Everyday at work. When I have to wake up at 8am. Everyday when I come back home from a long days of work..Looking forward to something..And then realize...There's no one or nothing.

Why is it girls are always attracted to thoes asshole guys. Ones who treat you like shit...And cheat on you with your best friend? Or attracted to someone you know you'll never have? And the ones who like you..You don't want?

Also, My art doesn't mean shit to me anymore...If you know me, and my art. It prolly didn't mean shit to you either.

P.S. I wanna kick the worlds ass. Anyone willing to help a kid out?

Fuck your promises assholes.

Okay, well, rememer me saying how I was supose to go into work at 4pm? Well, that didn't happen. They called me at 9am and 11am this morning. My mom got the message, I was sleeping still. They wanted to know if I could go in at 2pm. Instead of 4pm. Or I'd have to stay 'til 11pm that night. So they wanted me to work eight hours instead of just six..I was kinda happy..More money. Then I woke up around 12pm. She told me about it. So I called them back, and asked about it. Told them yeah, That I could come in at 2pm. So I had something to eat, and watched a lil' bit of tv. Then got ready at 1:30pm. Left at 1:57. I thought I died and went to Kroger hell, when I got there...IT WAS SO PACKED. Jeez. People must of thought it is going to be the end of the world...Might be just the end of Flower Mound. People, long lines, lot of water and batteries. I thought I was going to faint while checking. I just thought of happy things to get thru it. Like...Food. I was so hungry. Scanning food all day long...It's a killer. And I got paid today. I was happy.

I really hate it when people don't understand other people. They just think the wrong thing so quickly. It makes me sad.

Umm...I got  HUGE HEADACHE. I WANT TYLENOL, I WANNA PUKE AND GET IT OVER WITH. SO I CAN FEEL BETTER...

I miss the 90's.....So bad.

I wanna have a fauxhawk....What do you think? I'll look like shit right?

I figured out how to make videos with my webcam...It took me this long to do it. So I'm gonna make Kaite a Barbie Killer Beach Party movie soon. It'll just take 18 hours to get it uploaded. :D But it'll be worth it.

We are gonna be flodded this weekend...Damn it. I better stock up on junkfood. Batteries, and cds. Along with some books. :) And candles.

Uhhh, that's all for now. :D

Well, my day off was yesterday. But, I kinda wasted it away. By sleeping 'til 4pm. Going with my mom to pick my dad up from work. Then coming home having a plan to do school work..But that didn't happen. Seems like I'll have it in my mind...Feeling in the mood to do school...But then I turn the tv on. And do something else that has no meaning at all...SHIT!! I need to stop this...I need to think about the future, how if I don't do this...I wont be able to rule the art world.

I need to stop thinking about everyone else. I need to stop thinking about hanging out, or that I'm bored. I need to stop acting like most of the people I know are the only thing important in my life. They are, but the friends that care. You know me. I know you. I care for you alot, and think about you every day, hour, minute, second of the day. But do you to me? No. I'm sure you might be thinking "I wonder what Clarice is up to?" But that's all. Don't let anyone or anything like having fun stop you from your dream. It's all bullshit.

I keep getting that feeling like I need someone in my life. Like a boyfriend. I haven't had a boyfriend in a year. And most girls I know freak out 'cause they haven't had a boyfriend in two weeks or a month....What the fuck is up with you? Fuckin' retards. I don't want to have to depend on a guy to make me happy. My friends who I know are real make me happy. That's all that should matter....If I meet a guy and he makes me happy, and I love hanging out with him. Have a connection. Then, okay. But I don't want to feel in the future when I'm 25 "Oh my gawd, I don't have a boyfriend yet, I'm such a fuckin' loser" It would be nice to meet a guy and go out. That's something that would make me happy..But I don't want to stop my life waiting...I've been waiting for a long time...And it hasn't happen yet. So it's time to move on. Move on from Jaden, 'cause.....he has a girlfriend now...He didn't wait for me, now did he? And the other guy I like...He's to awesome, and he likes someone else, I guess..We never talk about stuff like that. So....I don't even have a chance with him. It's time to grow out of the teenage girl wanting boyfriends shit. And time to get on with the real world. Like what will really make me happy for the rest of my life. ART. COMICS, ANIMATION, DESIGNING. THAT IS MY LIFE.

P.s. I don't do the net boyfriend shit anymore. Jaden, was my last. I still love him...But look where that got me? Dead inside.

Well, It's 2am, soon to be 3. And I'm still up. I promised my self I'd go to sleep at 12:30am....Yeah, I lied to my self. Like always. Just happy, I go to work at 4pm today. But I get out at 10:00pm tonight. Sucky. But atleast I'll be there with some friends........I hope. I like the afternoons better. I have nothing else to do. My friends don't hang out 'til late late at night...And All I'd be doing at home is nothing. I'm prolly gonna get like three hours of sleep..I wanna wake up around 10am or something. So I can try and get some school work. And watch LIFETIME with my mom. :) So she can tell me to get on my work.

My life is at it's crossroads right now. Of course. I'm a teenager, Confused. How many of you agree, your life is pretty confusing right now? Don't know what to do. Don't know how to go along with your life? Yeah...Stuff like that. I was telling my mom that earlier..She looked at me puzzled. She still didn't really get what I was trying to say..I think I've been reading to many books, and watching to many movies. It's messing with me. I keep thinking about living underground. Or living in the country with just my family. And keeping in touch with only good friends who do care what I'm up to everyday. And just be alone reading books and coming up with ideas on drawings or something...This is where I go.."What is the meaning of life god?" "To get laid, and have fun, live like there is no tomorrow?" "Become the best that you can, go beyond the border" "Or, forget all my dreams, and idea of what life COULD be. And go along into a job I hate, get married, have kids, end my life, and act like all the rest of these assholes I see everyday?" Or to feel like I can live forever, in a world of my own. To feel like even though the world has it's rules, and it's evil-ness, and regrets, I can make something of my self, doing something I LOVE doing for a living, while living in a dream world, where anything is possible, looking forward to the next day. To be happy about life."

I'm so fuckin' Bi-polar it's not even funny...No, wait. I've met people who are way more bi-polar than me. But shit.

Okay. Well, I went to work at 11:30am this morning. I only had slept about three hours....I don't know how I did it..But I did it. The day went okay. Not many customers got upset with me..So I'm happy with that.

My brother is an ass..But I still love him..Dear gawd..

I am starting to do school work again. I'm actually learning something. It's hard doing it my self kinda..Thank gawd for my school books that teach me step-by-step. Sense I have no one to really help me. So..I really need to get on my school work. I need to do this..I really do. Motivate me. Now. Please. Make me happy. Inspire me.

I gave a guy friend from work my number. He called me tonight, asked how I was doing and stuff. We talked about movies, and sleeping in school. Then he asked me if I was working Saturday. I said no. He asked if I wanted to hang out. I said sure, okay. If nothing important comes up.

For the past week..I haven't hung out with friends...We always go to Ihop each night. But now. I'm doing school work. It's like, whoa.

I need to do a lil' party for Amanda's birthday. I'm planning on my attic. Haha, yeah. That'd be fun. Fo sho. She's gonna be eighteen. She's older..Two months..But still. Lol. I love you Amanda. <3 You rawk my world grrrrrl! HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY AND STUFF YEAAAAAH!!

So yeah, this is all I have right now....I can't think of anything else. Nothing really going on. Life is odd.

 Okay. Bye. :)